Some things people do or buy absolutely mystify me. That’s why I created this series of “What’s the Point?” articles, tackling (eventually) all of that which I do not understand. Up next: car bras, an utterly confusing item stretched across the front of many a car on the road today. Read along to understand the stretched vinyl madness.
What’s the point in having a car bra? Enough people swear by the idea that I see the word “Covercraft” almost everywhere I drive. I truly cannot digest the concept of having one of these thick vinyl albatrosses stretched across the front of one’s vehicle, whether car, truck, van, SUV or other auto. Sure, there’s always a need to protect your car—that much I get. But, doing it with a car bra just seems to defeat the purpose in a giant way.
First off, I don’t get covering the face of your vehicle like this. Cars aren’t mere transportation—they’re to be admired as works of art, especially when you motor in something as stately as my Buick. The careful crafting, the impressive grille detail and even the enduring logo are all things you definitely want to show off. The face of a vehicle is virtually its entire personality, molded straight from the hearts of a team of engineers over weeks and months and years. And a person would go and cover that with black vinyl? I just don’t get it.
Worse yet, some drivers even go so far as to say they like the look of a car bra; that their vehicle doesn’t look right without one. They detect a bit of sporty effervescence in the look of a bra. This probably ports over from the bra’s origination as a protection device for track-testing Porsche models in Germany about 30-40 years ago. Could it also be that perhaps drivers like having the look of a test mule vehicle, lugging through the searing desert air and dodging spy shot photographers, all to their own? I think this kind of allure or something similar may be their motive.
I get that people find a measure of protection behind a half-inch of synthetic fabric. Plastic parts crack from tossed rocks; paint pits when virtually and debris brazes its surface. Bugs deposit entrails into inconvenient spots. But, unless a driver has a full-body car bra, the same fate will fall on the uncovered portions of their vehicle regardless. No paint is invulnerable. Sure, a car bra can keep your frontal color fresh for a while. But, it won’t fade at the same rate as the rest of the finish. And, dirt and sand trapped beneath the bra (believe me – it happens to all bras) can effectively sandblast the clear-coat layers into a complete haze. That’s right—a car bra can cause the very problem it was meant to solve.
So, to all of those car bra enthusiasts out there, I say you can keep them. A car bra can’t save you from the inevitable, it blocks the beauty of an automobile, and it looks quite shabby regardless of the vehicle it masks. If you follow the regimen required to simultaneously prevent damage with a bra and damage from a bra, it becomes an entire facet of your free time. I’ll stick to proudly showing my big Buick grille. And I’ll continue to get tougher with every stone thrown its way.