You Can’t Start A Fire, You Can’t Start A Fire Without A Spark From These 12 New Accessories

The 16th is National Boss Day, but I gotta ask: since when does Springsteen deserve his own holiday? Baby, we were born to boycott, and we’re doing it in true AutoAnything style by distracting you from dancing in the dark with this crop of 12 new accessories.

Elite Automotive Camaro Paint-Matched License Plate Frames—Feature: These Elite Automotive license plate frames are the only ones that come painted with factory-match colors. Benefit: They’re even vainer than your B1CH1N vanity plates.  Each comes with the true Camaro SS logo.

Elite Automotive Corvette Paint-Matched License Plate Frames—Feature: Same as the other license plate frames by Elite Automotive, only with Corvette colors.

CURT Euro Ball Mount—Feature: Their one-piece design makes these CURT hitch balls as slender as a goose’s neck. Benefit: They make great cudgels when Bill O’Reilly sics Fox Security on you for buying something European.

Extang B-Light Tonneau Lighting System—Feature: These truck bed lights give your payload the lux fiat treatment. Benefit: Along with the cooler of Vitamin Water, harem-esque pillows and bowl of dried apricots, these Extang lights are the finishing touch to your compassionate coyote transport rig.

Putco LED Bulbs—With their 360-degree design, installing these LED lights from Putco is like cutting and pasting the sun into your rig’s tail lights, brake lights, turn signal lights—any automotive lights you want.

Access Truck Bed Lights—Although you can’t clap-on-clap-off these Access truck bed lights, they do feature a nifty built-in on/off switch. And, they’re powerful enough to illuminate your entire payload, even if you have a pickup truck tonneau cover installed.

Classic Accessories Snow Thrower Cab—Shields are to the knight in shining armor as these snow blower cabs from Classic Accessories are to the man being forced by his wife to clear snow from the driveway.

Rugged Ridge XHD Reclining Jeep Seats—If there’s an equivalent to “dad’s chair” in the Jeep seats market, it’s these babies from Rugged Ridge.

Rugged Ridge XHD Ultra Jeep Seat—If “Premium” is the best, “Ultra” is even better. And, these Jeep accessories are as “Ultra” as a guitar amp that goes to 11.

Rugged Ridge XHD Rubicon Jeep Seat—Denial isn’t just a river in Africa, and Rubicon isn’t just a river in Italy—it’s also a line of Rubicon-grade Jeep seats from Rugged Ridge.

Rugged Ridge XHD Off-Road Jeep Seat—XHD = Extreme Heavy Duty—three words that don’t describe any kind of seat you’d want to plop your butt into. But hey, Jeep people are different.

Rhino Rack Cargo Basket—Feature: These roof cargo baskets from Australia’s own Rhino Rack are wrought from aluminum. Benefit: The aluminum is alloyed with PaulHoganium, giving it the power to cull water buffalos and detect whether a sheila is really a bloke.

Advertisements

Two New Products, Twice The Sass

Missed us? Sorry. Someone forwarded us over a link to the My Brother, My Brother and Me podcast, and we’ve been incapacitated with a serious case of the funny bones. And, between the peals of laughter, we’ve been trying to come up with the perfect question to ask these modern-era advice dispensers.

So, it goes without saying that the workflow has gone from the raging river of a frat boy with 80 ounces of Natty Ice in his gut to the sad trickle of an aging insurance adjuster with an engorged prostate. For the sake of appeasing the suits, though, we did bust out these two new products. Check it:

Edge Attitude CT/CTS Upgrade Kit—In the old days, an attitude upgrade came from dad’s swift backhand. These days, it’s done with fancy electronics found inside of highfalutin performance chips. Since all electronics eventually become obsolete, Edge Performance Chips created a special upgrade kit that lets you swap out your old-school Edge Juice with the new-school CS (color screen) or CTS (color touch screen). Here are the new performance chips:

Truck Pal Tailgate Ladder—There’s a lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold / And she’s buy-ai-ing a Westin tailgate ladder to heaven. If ever there was a truck bed accessory that inspired generations of teens to suck face behind the school bleachers, it’s this tailgate accessory from Westin. ZoSo!

P.S. We’ve been working on putting together a gaggle of install videos, showing you just how easy it is to bolt raw power onto your ride. Whiiiiiiiieeeeeeee, Whaaaaaaawwwwwwww, Waaaaaaaaaaaaa. That’s a little guitar solo that plays in our head every time we think of automotive horsepower. Squeeeeeeeeeeee, Squaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Doooooooooowaaaaaaaaa. So, check out this trick AutoAnything Airaid Throttle Body Spacer install video, and see what kind of soundtrack your mind comes up with.

A Triple Lindy Of New Products & One Update

Today’s new product announcement goes out to Justin Bieber. Tiger, you put a beat in our normally bleak, protestant work ethic.

Bestop PowerBoards—If machines had consciousness, I bet every time these shockingly high-tech auto-retracting running boards from Bestop tuck up against your rocker panels that they think to themselves, “I’d step on me” while Q Lazzarus’s Goodbye Horses plays through their mechanized and weatherproofed brain.

Bonus—There’s a $100 rebate for these Bestop running boards, but you only have until 10/31/2010 to save. So act with moderate haste.

Bestop TrekStep—A pickup without a retractable, rear-mounted truck step that works when your tailgate is open is like a key party without high balls and Herb Alpert records—the resulting knee aches, back pains and self-recrimination are rude awakenings, reminding you that you’re not 34 anymore (and it’s not 1974 anymore, either). Hey, pops. Act your age with a Bestop tailgate step.

CalTrend Tweed Seat Covers—King Edward VII’s favourite fabric was tweed, and who are we to question the most dashing constitutional monarch in history? Besides, were we to speak out against his taste in canvas seat covers, especially the finely tailored seat covers made by Cal Trend, he’d repress us lowly peasants and demonstrate the violence inherent in the system.

PRODUCT UPDATE: TruXedo Lo Pro QT Harley-Davidson Soft Roll Up Tonneau Cover—Good news from the Lo Pro QT Harley-Davidson Tonneau front: TruXedo has redesigned these soft roll up tonneau covers with a more tastefully-sized, embossed bar and shield logo. They’re still the same tonneau covers that hog heads have known and loved for years, only a lot easier on the eyes.

New Kayak Racks, LED Lights and Automotive Kitsch, Oh My

Full moons affect us in primal ways. No, we don’t go gallivanting around the countryside tearing open the bellies of surfs and snacking on their entrails. We work. And we work some more. And we collapse exhausted. Then, we wake up, dust the Pringles crumbs off our chests, and report on the aftermath. Here’s one such reporting:

Thule Top Deck Kayak Rack—Put on your barfly thinking cap for a minute—the Thule Top Deck may not be a top-shelf kayak rack, but Popov comforts just as well as Grey Goose and leaves you with some spare Washingtons for a pickled egg dinner.

Pulstar Eco-MPG Series Spark Plugs—These Pulstar spark plugs would definitely be cooler if they had a Flux Capacitor inside, but their standard capacitor does have the power to boost your MPGs up to 10%. Not too shabby for a spark plug.

Pulstar Performance Series Spark Plugs—If your allegiances lean more towards Sterling Moss than Iron Eyes Cody, these performance Pulstar plugs juice your ignition system with up to 12% more horsepower.

Putco LED Strip Lights—Got a wad of sweaty ones burning a hole in your pocket? This brilliant LED light strip from Putco mounts anywhere you need a little extra light and won’t get you in hot water with your significant other.

Putco LED Truck Bed Lights—Think your buddies down at the Elks Lodge are going to go easy on you after you string a strand of kitschy lights shaped like characters from Pink Flamingos around your truck bed?  You’re better off with some proper truck bed lights.

Putco LED Toolbox Lights—Remember that kid whose hair had turned from black into bright white? The beam from these truck toolbox lights are just as white if not whiter.

TonnoPro Tri-Fold Tonneau Cover—There are good toupees, and there are rugs. The same goes for folding tonneau covers. Let’s just say this new TonnoPro tonneau cover won’t flap in the wind if you’re tobogganing down Mt. Whitney.

Go Boxes Canvas Chevy Bag—Ideal for stashing your jumper cables in the back of your HHR or carrying your sun mirror and cocoa butter down to the river, these tote bags from Go Boxes sure can tote.

Go Boxes Canvas Ford Bag—Miss swaggering around Tears for Fears shows with your Lacoste blazer tossed over your shoulder? Think of this Go Boxes tote as a surrogate.

Go Boxes Portable Chevy Toolbox—This totally beats the Chevy bumper stickers that are stuck all over your old garage toolbox.

Go Boxes Portable Ford Toolbox—Because hardcore Ford fans need hardcore Ford toolboxes.

It’s a Good Friday For New Camping Gear

Life’s full of questions, but answers are hard to come by. For example, I’ve always wondered why it is that if existence precedes essence, why did I know my neighbor’s BO before I knew my neighbor? Troubling your mind with these kinds of thoughts, though, is not going to answer the really important question: now that spring has sprung, is your rig ready to go camping? Here are a couple of choice new accessories to make your next trip more comfortable.

CARPOD Cargo Carrier—Without the locking lid option, the CARPOD a spacious, versatile hitch cargo carrier. With the locking lid, it’s a metaphoric prop for a Lars von Trier film to remind us of humankind’s propensity for violence, the inherent meaninglessness of life, and nature’s indifference to the pain it blindly inflicts. Wicked awesome for camping trips, too!

AirBedz Truck Bed Air Mattress—Because roughin’ it while camping is a sure-fire recipe for a mangled back, a twisted neck, and a rock embedded in your solar plexus, get comfortable on a truck mattress. AirBedz custom shapes your mattress for a perfect fit in the bed of your pickup.

7 Fresh Automotive Accessories Available Now

Today’s a special day that only comes once every 4 years—it’s the closing ceremonies of yet another Winter Olympics. Finally, NBC will get back to airing stuff worth airing, and your neighbor will stop droning on and on about the intricacies of the Nordic combined and get back to droning on and on about The DHARMA Initiative.

To celebrate, we added some new product to the site. Check it out:

Pewag Cable Tire Chains—Trust us—bedazzling your tires with rhinestones is not going to give you all-weather traction like these snow chains. Conversely, strewing Pewag chain links across the back of your Canadian tuxedo is not going to score you any girl’s digits at the next flapjack social.

Pewag V-Trac Cable Tire Chains—Say goodbye to skid marks. V-Trac tire chains keep your sled fleet footed when Old Man Winter dumps his powdery load on your neck of the woods. Plus, these Pewag Glacier chains have a built-in rubber tensioner that keeps them snug against your tires.

Intro-Tech Designer Floor Mat—Oh man, those designer mats by IntroTech Automotive make your rizz-ump look great, and their double-tufted heel pad protects against excessive wizz-air and tizz-air. What’s more, these haute couture carpet floor mats fit your floorboards to a tizz-e.

Anzo USA LED Truck Bed Lights—Cargo doesn’t like to admit it, but it’s scared of the dark. Cut it some slack already. These universal truck bed lights from Anzo USA are like high-powered nightlights for your truck’s bed.

Anzo USA Stealth Vision LED Fog Lights—Stealth vision: the next best thing to x-ray vision (and way more reliable than those x-ray specs you bought from the back of your Boy’s Life). In fact, these LED fog lights are so powerful, you might be able to convert them into grow lights.

Anzo USA Rugged Vision LED Off Road Lights—If your spouse has a hard time waking up in the morning, shine one of these Anzo off road lights in his/her face…that ought to do the trick.

Rancho My Ride Wireless Controller—Unlike social networking giant MyFace, the Rancho MyRide does something useful. This wireless shock controller gives you the ability to make on-the-fly adjustments to the stiffness of your Rancho shocks; it doesn’t provide a platform for self-absorbed chatter masquerading as communication.

A Score of New Accessories Now Available: From Hitch Locks to Floor Mats

Lo, on the eve of Honest Abe’s birthday, 4 score minus 4 score and 1 day Ago, AutoAnything brought forth on this Website a multitude of new products, conceived in Convenience, and dedicated to the Proposition that all Vehicles deserve to be better than Stock. Here’s what we’re now serving:

Trimax Wheel Chock Lock —Like a death grip on your tire, this Trimax lock makes your car or trailer’s wheel un-rotatable. Plus, it’s got a built-in chock, so you can chuck that make-shift 2×4 you’ve been wedging under your tire.

Trimax Trailer Lock—Because you want to wake up with your trailer where you left it, you need this ingenious trailer lock. It fits into your trailer’s coupler, making it impossible for goons to hitch up and drive off with your trailer.

Trimax Keyed-Alike Trailer Hitch & Coupler Lock Set —Look, janitors may have to tote around 10-pounds worth of keys, but they’re paid to bear that jangly burden. Why should you have to fumble with extra keys when only 1 key works with both the hitch lock and coupler lock in this deluxe set?

Trimax Receiver Lock—You can either lock it or lose it, and the former is the smart choice. Luckily, Trimax makes a wide array of hitch locks to keep your towables secure.

Trimax Wheel Lock—This wheel lock is the closest thing to a proper police boot that you can get without racking up a dime’s worth of parking citations. And, the only way to make your trailer more secure is if you hired a Black Water security detail to guard it.

Ulti-MATE Pro Garage Storage Systems—No social-services bureaucrat is gonna label you a compulsive hoarder! Well, they might think it when they take a gander at your top-of-the-line Ulti-MATE Pro garage storage system.

Ulti-MATE Garage Storage System—Finally! A place to keep that Manga collection under wraps. This mid-range Ulti-MATE garage storage systems comes in a wide array of options that you can mix-n-match to build the perfect closets to hide your skeletons.

Ulti-MATE Starfire Storage Systems—Stash your booty in these deluxe Ulti-MATE garage organizers, and you’ll always know exactly where your Dremel and tap set are.

TrynEx SnowEx Wireless Salt Spreaders—This remote-controlled tailgate salt spreader from SnowEx is incredibly convenient when you’ve got things to do, people to see, and places to salt. Just hitch it up, fill it up, and let ‘er rip. You have total control right from the comfort of your cockpit.

Nifty Elite Floor Mats—Whoa, whoa, whoa there, unruly mob. Before you gather your pitchforks and torches, listen up: these new Nifty floor mats did not go to Harvard, nor do they drink lattes. They just happen to have a smart, custom-molded design with a raised lip around the perimeter to stop the sticky, soggy beast unleashed from your toppled cans of Monster from sloshing around.

From License Plate Frames to Mechanics Creepers: 14 New Products Available Now at AutoAnything

You’d think that there might be some start-of-the-year malaise making us drag our feet. Nothing could be further from the truth. Fueled by caffeine and cigarettes, we’ve added a massive new assortment of products. Take a look…but if you don’t mind, we’re going to take a nap in the supply closet for a while.

4tek Kreepster—Hipsters on Kreepsters don’t have to worry about mussing up their flat-ironed faux hawks ‘cause there’s an adjustable headrest. And, the built-in trays are the perfect place to stash your Lyra Skala cartridges, your Bed Head product, and all those Animal Collective records that you claim to find so deep but truly can’t stand. This mechanics creeper has it all.

4tek Kreepstool—The next time you’ve got to lay some brake cable, cop a squat on the Kreepstool, your throne away from throne. This plush, padded creeper stool from 4tek gives you a cozy place to sit and work on your garage projects.

SnowEx Tailgate Salt Spreaders—Sick of slipping and sliding all over icy roads? Melt it with a tailgate salt spreader from SnowEx. It spits out road salts evenly in a wide path for total coverage. If only they made a pepper spreader, too!

Firestone Digital Air Command—Because the Analog Air Command is just so 1979, you can now control your Firestone air bags with this fully digital air suspension management kit.

Firestone Wireless Air Command—It’s the cordless phone equivalent to air suspension control—no wires, no limits.

Firestone In-Cab System—If this truck’s a rockin’, there’s an In-Cab System doing the knockin’. This air suspension kit comes in a wide range of styles to control up to 4 air springs at a time.

Firestone Air Tank Systems—Outfit your rig like Cousteau outfitted the Calypso. These air tanks come in a range of sizes from a half gallon up to 3 gallons.

Firestone Automatic Air Command—Like breathing and blinking, suspension control just happens automatically with this Firestone system.

Firestone Control Panels—When your need for control borders on the obsessive, these control panels give you total control over every aspect of your air suspension system.

Firestone Air Compressors—Compressed air is better than a compressed disc, and Firestone air compressors are some of the best available.

License2Bling Graphic License Plate Frames—Arms, chests and backs are the perfect canvases for tattoos. Cars and needles don’t really get along, though. These license plate frames by License2Bling are the next best thing to having a butterfly or Celtic knot marked on the small of your ride’s back.

ShurTrax Max-Pax Traction Aid—Take all the fun out of driving on slick and icy roads. When conditions get downright banana peel-ish, simply fill up these traction aids to help keep your rear end from fishtailing.

Rampage 3D Mesh Grille—Whoa man, what if that 1980’s video game Rampage was in 3D?! It’d almost be as cool as these trick Jeep billet grilles from Rampage Jeep.

Rampage Retractable Rock Slider Steps—Try not to flip your lid when you see these flippin’ amazing rock slider steps. They flip down when you need to get in and out of your rock crawler, and they flip up when you’re actually crawling over rock.

The BedRug BedTred Truck Bed Liner: A New Way to Protect your Truck Bed

Remember when spray-in truck bed liners were all the rage? I can’t remember the exact date, but it was sometime between the advent of Ron Propeil’s GLH-9 Hair in a Can Spray and the Snuggie. (I don’t use a calendar, but I can tell the relative date of important events by where they fit on my infomercial timeline.)

Spray-in truck bed liners are a lot like Billie Mays’ the Big City Slider Station—seems like a good idea, but it just doesn’t work out well in practice. The biggest problem? You can’t take it out! It’s there for life, like it or not.

There are some great advantages to spray-in bed liners. Namely, their textured surface helps stop your stuff from sliding around. And, they do protect your bed from scratches. But, that doesn’t really make up for the permanent disfigurement.

I’ve got some good news: we just added a new accessory onto our site that gives you all the benefits of a spray-in liner without any of the drawbacks—the BedRug BedTred truck bed liner. It’s constructed from a 0.25” thick composite material with the same anti-slide texture as a spray-on bed liner. It mounts with a sturdy hook and loop system, so you can take it out without having to break out your jackhammer. And, this BedRug is custom designed for a perfect fit.