Lo, on the eve of Honest Abe’s birthday, 4 score minus 4 score and 1 day Ago, AutoAnything brought forth on this Website a multitude of new products, conceived in Convenience, and dedicated to the Proposition that all Vehicles deserve to be better than Stock. Here’s what we’re now serving:
Trimax Wheel Chock Lock —Like a death grip on your tire, this Trimax lock makes your car or trailer’s wheel un-rotatable. Plus, it’s got a built-in chock, so you can chuck that make-shift 2×4 you’ve been wedging under your tire.
Trimax Trailer Lock—Because you want to wake up with your trailer where you left it, you need this ingenious trailer lock. It fits into your trailer’s coupler, making it impossible for goons to hitch up and drive off with your trailer.
Trimax Keyed-Alike Trailer Hitch & Coupler Lock Set —Look, janitors may have to tote around 10-pounds worth of keys, but they’re paid to bear that jangly burden. Why should you have to fumble with extra keys when only 1 key works with both the hitch lock and coupler lock in this deluxe set?
Trimax Wheel Lock—This wheel lock is the closest thing to a proper police boot that you can get without racking up a dime’s worth of parking citations. And, the only way to make your trailer more secure is if you hired a Black Water security detail to guard it.
Ulti-MATE Pro Garage Storage Systems—No social-services bureaucrat is gonna label you a compulsive hoarder! Well, they might think it when they take a gander at your top-of-the-line Ulti-MATE Pro garage storage system.
Ulti-MATE Garage Storage System—Finally! A place to keep that Manga collection under wraps. This mid-range Ulti-MATE garage storage systems comes in a wide array of options that you can mix-n-match to build the perfect closets to hide your skeletons.
Ulti-MATE Starfire Storage Systems—Stash your booty in these deluxe Ulti-MATE garage organizers, and you’ll always know exactly where your Dremel and tap set are.
TrynEx SnowEx Wireless Salt Spreaders—This remote-controlled tailgate salt spreader from SnowEx is incredibly convenient when you’ve got things to do, people to see, and places to salt. Just hitch it up, fill it up, and let ‘er rip. You have total control right from the comfort of your cockpit.
Nifty Elite Floor Mats—Whoa, whoa, whoa there, unruly mob. Before you gather your pitchforks and torches, listen up: these new Nifty floor mats did not go to Harvard, nor do they drink lattes. They just happen to have a smart, custom-molded design with a raised lip around the perimeter to stop the sticky, soggy beast unleashed from your toppled cans of Monster from sloshing around.