Monthly Archives: October 2010

Giant Pumpkin Puts Pontiac Out Of Misery


O, Utah. The great state with the stagnant lake and strict liquor laws. We thought your finest export was the films of Jared Hess, but it appears you’re branching out into the demolition arts, too. Hee Haw Farms out in Pleasant Grove figured out a way to both prep an enormous pumpkin for baking and to put down an aging Pontiac 6000, and they filmed the results.

What’s truly spectacular is that the chunks of fleshy gourd are all neatly contained inside the cockpit upon impact. It’s almost as though GM engineered these rides knowing that they’d inevitably become the butts of carnival-esque pranks.

Advertisements

18 New Ways to Spend Money on Your Auto


Is it just me, or is Freddy Prinze Jr.’s career buried next to Jimmy Hoffa? If today’s avalanche of new accessories doesn’t inspire another Scooby-Doo movie, I may have to get this Prinze4Eva tattoo lasered off.

Hella Optilux 1450 Fog LightsThese smallish fog lights from Hella lights were originally designed 42 years before Columbus sailed the ocean blue, but they were deemed heretical and locked away in the Pontiff’s chifforobe until now.

Hella Optilux 2020 Combo Fog and Driving LightsYou couldn’t even decide on which absurd TGIF cocktail to order last night, but you expect to decide between getting fog lights or driving lights? Son, just get these two-in-one lamps from Hella Automotive Lights and stop your hem-hawing.

Hella Optilux 1200 Series Fog LightsFeature: They’re oblong fog lights, dude. Benefit: Use ’em the next time you’re driving through Colorado in a snow storm after finishing your novel, and maybe you won’t go off the road and end up trapped in a sledgehammer-wielding kook’s basement, you dirty bird, you.

Hella Black Magic LightsAlthough perfectly titled to spotlight your next voodoo ceremony, these Hella driving lights summon black optics—not malicious powers.

Hella Micro FF Fun Cube Driving & FogJust imagine how much faster Mario could navigate through the streets of Dark Land with these automotive lights blinding the Koopa Troopas.

Hella Optilux 1300 Driving LightsThey’re round, they make light, they’re affordable, they’re driving lights.

Hella Optilux 1400 Driving LightsThey’re rectangular, they make light, they’re affordable, they’re driving lights.

TruXedo TonneauMateMate a golden retriever with a poodle, you get a golden doodle. Mate a pickup tonneau cover with a truck tool box, you get this deluxe tonneau accessory from TruXedo. Dr. Moreau would be proud.

Escort RedLine Radar DetectorIf the M*A*S*H unit had one of these detectors from Escort Radar, they would have detected Radar O’Reilly before he delivered the news of Colonel Blake’s copter crash, sparing us all the sadness.

ARB Safari SnorkelNot to be confused with a beautiful Hawaiian excursion, these safari snorkels from ARB are just what your off-roader needs to breathe underwater.

ARB Rear BumperWhere else can you transform your whole backside for under a grand? These rear bumpers from ARB do to your dune-surfer what Billy Blanks does to your rump.

ARB Deluxe Bull BarsNot just any run-of-the-mill truck bull bars; these ARB bars are Deluxe with a capital “D.”

ARB Sahara Bull BarsNever venture into the Sahara without your Sahara, and possibly a girl named Sarah. These boss bars from ARB 4X4 are both a bumper and center center grille guard combined.

FANMATS NHL Cargo MatsThese logo cargo liners from FANMATS are perfect for keeping your soiled hockey gear from ruining your ride’s carpeting.

FANMATS NFL Cargo MatsSame as above, but replace “hockey gear” with “football gear.”

FANMATS NBA Cargo MatsSame as above, but replace “football gear” with “basketball gear.”

FANMATS MLB Cargo MatsSame as above, but replace “basketball gear” with “baseball gear.”

FANMATS College Cargo MatsThese cargo & trunk liners are the perfect buffer between your Natty Ice keg and your ride’s carpeting.

You Can’t Start A Fire, You Can’t Start A Fire Without A Spark From These 12 New Accessories


Bruce Springsteen

The 16th is National Boss Day, but I gotta ask: since when does Springsteen deserve his own holiday? Baby, we were born to boycott, and we’re doing it in true AutoAnything style by distracting you from dancing in the dark with this crop of 12 new accessories.

Elite Automotive Camaro Paint-Matched License Plate FramesFeature: These Elite Automotive license plate frames are the only ones that come painted with factory-match colors. Benefit: They’re even vainer than your B1CH1N vanity plates.  Each comes with the true Camaro SS logo.

Elite Automotive Camaro Paint-Matched License Plate Frames

Elite Automotive Corvette Paint-Matched License Plate FramesFeature: Same as the other license plate frames by Elite Automotive, only with Corvette colors.

Elite Automotive Corvette Paint-Matched License Plate Frames

CURT Euro Ball MountFeature: Their one-piece design makes these CURT hitch balls as slender as a goose’s neck. Benefit: They make great cudgels when Bill O’Reilly sics Fox Security on you for buying something European.

CURT Euro Ball Mount

Extang B-Light Tonneau Lighting SystemFeature: These truck bed lights give your payload the lux fiat treatment. Benefit: Along with the cooler of Vitamin Water, harem-esque pillows and bowl of dried apricots, these Extang lights are the finishing touch to your compassionate coyote transport rig.

Extang B-Light Tonneau Lighting System

Putco LED BulbsWith their 360-degree design, installing these LED lights from Putco is like cutting and pasting the sun into your rig’s tail lights, brake lights, turn signal lights—any automotive lights you want.

Putco LED Bulbs

Access Truck Bed LightsAlthough you can’t clap-on-clap-off these Access truck bed lights, they do feature a nifty built-in on/off switch. And, they’re powerful enough to illuminate your entire payload, even if you have a pickup truck tonneau cover installed.

Access Truck Bed Lights

Classic Accessories Snow Thrower CabShields are to the knight in shining armor as these snow blower cabs from Classic Accessories are to the man being forced by his wife to clear snow from the driveway.

Classic Accessories Snow Thrower Cab

Rugged Ridge XHD Reclining Jeep SeatsIf there’s an equivalent to “dad’s chair” in the Jeep seats market, it’s these babies from Rugged Ridge.

Rugged Ridge XHD Reclining Jeep Seats

Rugged Ridge XHD Ultra Jeep SeatIf “Premium” is the best, “Ultra” is even better. And, these Jeep accessories are as “Ultra” as a guitar amp that goes to 11.

Rugged Ridge XHD Ultra Jeep Seat

Rugged Ridge XHD Rubicon Jeep SeatDenial isn’t just a river in Africa, and Rubicon isn’t just a river in Italy—it’s also a line of Rubicon-grade Jeep seats from Rugged Ridge.

Rugged Ridge XHD Ultra Jeep Seat

Rugged Ridge XHD Off-Road Jeep SeatXHD = Extreme Heavy Duty—three words that don’t describe any kind of seat you’d want to plop your butt into. But hey, Jeep people are different.

Rugged Ridge XHD Off-Road Jeep Seat

Rhino Rack Cargo BasketFeature: These roof cargo baskets from Australia’s own Rhino Rack are wrought from aluminum. Benefit: The aluminum is alloyed with PaulHoganium, giving it the power to cull water buffalos and detect whether a sheila is really a bloke.

Rhino-Rack Alloy Tray Cargo Basket

Boo: Spooktacular Savings through October


Ghostbusters

All hallows eve is rapidly approaching, and you know what that means: dumping a large lump sum on a naughty nurse costume for your significant other and an ape suit for yourself. Throw in the cost of candy for the trick-or-treaters and the Goldschlager for your party, and this ghoulish holiday can take a zombie-sized bite out of your wallet.

Like the Ghostbusters vanquishing apparitions in library basements, AutoAnything is here to exorcise the high-prices gobbling away at your finances. And, we don’t even need fancy Proton Packs to do it. We’ve simply deployed a grip of promotions. Check it:

Extang

Extang Execution: Buy an Extang Solid Fold Tonneau or Revolution Tonneau and get a free Extang B-Light Truck Bed Lighting System, an $89.10 value. This deal is good until 11/12/2010.

Softride

Softride Strangler: Order a Softride Access Dura Bike Rack or the deluxe Softride Dura Hydraulic Assist Bike Rack and get a free Softride Ski/Snowboard Rack Attachment, a $179.95 value. This deal lasts until 11/30/2010.

AirBedz

Abominable AirBedz: All AirBedz mattresses are marked down $25. This deal dies on 10/15/2010, so act fast.

Bestop

Bestop Blood Lust: Pick up any Replace-A-Top product and get a $50 rebate. This promotion expires on 10/31/2010.

DICE Electronics

Deadly DICE Electronics: Order a DICE MediaBridge iPod & iPhone Car Adapter or a DICE Silverline Pro iPod & iPhone Car Adapter and get a free G2 Cradle, a $59.95 value. This deal dies 11/2/2010.

Undercover

Undead Undercover: Buy an Undercover Tonneau Cover and get a free MaxSeal Tailgate Seal, a $29.95 value. Since this deal is undead, no one knows when it will finally go down.

14 Funky Fly Fresh Accessories For Friday


SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM

It’s Aloha Day (R.I.P. IZ) at work today, and we were treated to our usual Free Breakfast Friday. But I have a bone to pick: Were this an authentic Aloha Day, the break room would have been filled with the sweet sweet smells of grilled Spam, sticky rice and ketchup, rather than the usual aroma of Hot Pockets and Activia. Oh well. In spite of this cultural faux pas, we still added a whopping 14 new accessories onto AutoAnything.com. Sneak a peak:

Rhino Rack Ski & Snowboard Rack

  • Feature: These roof ski & snowboard racks from Rhino Rack carry up to six pairs of skis or 4 snowboards.
  • Benefit: If you always drive around with your Burton, you’ll have at least some justification for continuing to wear that fleece jester cap, even though your friends and coworkers really know that you’re just a raging Phish-head.

Rhino-Rack Ski & Snowboard Rack

Rhino Boat Loader

  • Feature: Rhino Racks boat loader automatically loads and unloads a boat onto your roof rack.
  • Benefit: Makes boat thievery a lot gentler on your hernia.

Rhino-Rack Side Boat Loader

Rhino-Rack Cargo Bag

  • Feature: Carries a grip of gear on your roof, keeping it protected from the elements.
  • Benefit: Strikes terror in your children after you threaten to stuff the next one who screams into the time-out roof cargo bag.

Rhino-Rack Luggage Cargo Bags

Softride Top Tube Bike Frame AdapterUnlike more common cosmetic enhancements, adding a top tube won’t clear up your wrinkles, inhibit you from showing emotion or drain your wallet. But, using one of these Softride bike rack accessories changes its look and functionality all for less than $30—no risks involved.

Softride Top Tube Bike Frame Adapter

Wrockit Wrench Open-End Ratchet WrenchesOr, as Scooby-Doo would call them, Wrockit Wrench Ropen-Rend Ratchet Wrenches. These ingenious tools combine the rapid-tightening of a ratchet with the convenience of a wrench. A geneticist would call it a chimera.

Wrockit Wrench Open-End Ratchet Wrenches

Clingo Universal Hands Free PodiumThe difference that separates the Clingo hands free podium from most lecture podiums is that this one doesn’t tend to result in sweaty palms, cracking voices and a roomful of people being pictured in their underwear. But seriously, folks. These deluxe mobile electronics holders are the perfect addition to your assortment of desktop distractions.

Clingo Universal Hands Free Podium

Clingo Parabolic Sound SphereEven if geometry was never your strong point, you’re sure to appreciate how Clingo uses parabolas and spheres to create this stylish sound system. It’s both a natural amplifier for your iPhone, iPod or other portable MP3 player, and it’s a helmet in a pinch.

Clingo Parabolic Sound Sphere

Clingo Universal Car Vent MountYour vents could be spewing out the coldest of air, but your new vent-mounted Clingo mobile electronics holder is still going to look hot in your ride.

Clingo Universal Car Vent Mount

Gorilla Net Cargo NetJust as Tarzan’s jungle canopy provides security for the creatures of the rainforest, the Gorilla Net Cargo Net provides security for the contents of your truck bed. The only way to keep your stuff more secure than with these cargo nets & tie-downs would be if you trained an actual gorilla to lay in your truck bed and hold everything down with her heft.

Gorilla Net Cargo Net

Tripledge Wiper BladesThese Tripledge wipers are so thorough, even Prince Akeem Joffer would be impressed.

Tripledge Wiper Blades

Tripledge Green Wiper BladesThese are the first windshield wipers deemed safe for septic tanks, plastic pipes and municipal water systems. We’re talking greener-then-Woody-Harrelson’s-cigarettes green, and that’s mighty green, baby. Thanks, Tripledge.

Armor All Ultra Flex Wiper Blades

Armor All Premium Wiper BladesJust like “extreme” and “supreme;” adding “premium” to a product name gives it the nebulous distinction of being better. But, these Armor All wiper blades are pretty premium—they leave a thin film of water-repellent goo on your windshield, so water beads up and wipes away easier.

Armor All Premium Wiper Blades

Armor All Ultra Flex Wiper BladesYou can juice up, shave your armpits, get a spray tan, apply a glistening sheen of posing oil and flex like Lou Ferrigno. But, it won’t clear your windshield like these travel accessories from Armor All. They’re curved like a banana, which keeps them pressed against your windshield for more powerful wipes.

Armor All Ultra Flex Wiper Blades

AEM Replacement Air Intake FilterMom was right: generic-brand dextro is just as good as Robitussin in purple drank, and AEM replacement air intake filters are just as effective as K&N air filters in air intake systems.

AEM Replacement Air Intake Filter