Chekov said that if there’s a gun hanging on the wall in the first act, it has to be fired by the second. We say nuts to waiting. This week’s new products are coming out guns a blazin’, booyakasha-ing you in the face with their 20-ought quality and full-metal savings. Break yourself:
Griot’s Garage Cotton Polishing Cloths—Not only are they safer on your finish than cotton diapers, but they can also be pinned around your bottom if that milk of magnesia kicks in on the 405. These chamois & towels pull double duty.
Griot’s Garage Long Reach Wheel Brushes—Saturday morning, it’s a just a long wheel brush. Saturday afternoon, it’s a stand-in for your usual Ren Fair wand, which lost the battle between its structural integrity and your prodigious bulk when it slipped under your couch cushion during last week’s Dark Shadows marathon. Lucky for you, these detailing tools straddle the divide between your love of clean wheels and your passion for Jacobean hygiene standards.
Griot’s Garage Microfiber Mitts—Superior wash mitts start with superior ingredients. In this case, pure Muppet body hair. Nothing cuts through dried bird squirt like Dr. Teeth’s beard.
Griot’s Garage Ultimate Car Wash Bucket—For a bucket, it’s boss. How many other car wash products out there have built-in measuring cups, grit-corralling grates and lids? Precious few, good buddy. Precious few.
Griot’s Garage Orange Polishing Pad—If you think an Orange Julius does a number on your brain when you drink it too fast, imagine what it would do to your finish if you tried to polish your paint with it. Not smart. These car polish pads, though not as delicious, are much more effective.
Griot’s Garage Paint Cleaning Clay Kit—Mud baths are good for your skin, and clay baths are great for your paint. But these complete detailing kits from Griot’s Garage are extra special because every clay bar contains a pinch of Clay Aiken’s dandruff, an ingredient long used in Eastern medicines for regulating ch’i and boosting stamina.
Griot’s Garage Clay, Pad & Holder Kit—I know what the prudes are thinking: clay, pad and holder all together in one detailing kit? Bizarre love triangle! Jules et Jim! Scandalous! J’accuse!
Griot’s Garage Speed Shine Cloths—Better get your hands on these towels fast. Because of their downy softness, the cavernous depth of their nap, and their ample size, these buffing cloths are harder to keep in stock than amphetamines at a truck stop.
Griot’s Garage Microfiber Wipe Down Towel—Perfect for your auto’s door sills and your child’s chocolate-stained chin.
Griot’s Garage Window Cleaner Tool Kit—When you’re done making your windows crystal clear with this deluxe Griot’s Garage detailing tool, use it to entertain your frisky kitty.
CURT Fusion Mount Ball Mounts—Overly pretentious music = jazz fusion. Snobbish food = fusion cuisine. Self-affected hitch ball mounts = CURT Fusion.
INNO Ridge Roof Cargo Box—Oversized roof cargo boxes on compact cars are like the reverse of fat-man-in-a-little-coat syndrome. This bite-sized box from INNO is specially sized for your smaller roof.
INNO Shadow Roof Cargo Box—If you were frightened by those shadow-like demons from Ghost, this harmless INNO roof cargo box can be both therapeutic and handy for hauling stuff.
INNO Car Awning—Sure, the idea of a car awning seemed silly when your ex was jury-rigging those sheets to your ride’s roof. Wish you hadn’t broken it off with her before she patented this roof rack accessory, eh?
INNO Velo Gripper Truck Bed Bike Rack—Nothing’s quite as disturbing as coming across the mangled corpse of a bike on the side of the highway. Keep yours from becoming road kill with one of these innovative truck bed bike racks from INNO.
