From Russia with love (but no whale penis leather)


There are a few well-known Russian exports: strong vodka, delicious caviar and mail-order brides. But did you know that one of the most luxurious (self-proclaimed) auto manufacturers is located in Lenin’s backyard? They go by the name Dartz, and they take their coach-adorning craft to scary, scary extremes.

How extreme, you ask? 3 words: whale penis leather. Let that sink in for a minute. Ponder it. Mull it over. Chew on it. Now, consider it again: whale penis leather.

Turns out, Dartz considered land mammal leather a little too gauche for one of their uber upper-crust automobiles. So they found a supplier of whale penis leather, which they intended to use for the seats. When animal rights activists, Pamela Anderson included, caught a whiff of Dartz’s plans, they protested. And the public outcry worked.

In response to the protests, Dartz left the whale penis leather out of the final design. In a cryptic press release that reads like Gogol Bordello liner notes, a Dartz company man by the name of Leonard F. Yankelovich states:

We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want – to make just luxury car…We just looking for most expensive products for this car – and that’s why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. [Sic]

Obviously moved by the pleas of the animal rights activists, Yankelovich goes on to make a personal statement to cetaceans everywhere:

We want to tell our hello to all whales: ‘Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales – we will keep You live! We don’t Earth fall down to Ocean!’ [Sic]

In a final act of magnanimity, Dartz also commissioned the (Photoshop) construction of a tribute car to Pamela Anderson and the other animal rights activists. Take a gander:

Pamela Anderson Whale Watch Dartz Custom

Advertisements

One response to “From Russia with love (but no whale penis leather)

  1. I know a girl who is Belorussian and loves everything to do with whale penis. True story.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s